Started From the Bottom, Now We’re Here

960 views 5th Aug 2024

Seller Sellers’ Perspective Started From the Bottom, Now We’re Here

Growing up, I learned the same lessons about womanhood as most. Be small, be pretty, be quiet, bla-bla-bla *insert barbie movie monologue here*. One of the most detrimental things I learned is that women should be submissive. That’s how I started out: as the textbook tease, nymphomaniac, girl of your dreams. Little did I know how far I would stray from that stereotype. Allow me to tell you about it.

*clears throat, taps mic a couple times*

When I started having sex, I straight away turned to porn as a study guide. I have always been a straight-A student, and I wasn’t about to start flunking when it came to sex. The plethora of content on Pornhub became my curriculum. I studied the ways in which women contorted their bodies, the sounds they made to be considered sexy, and the way they did their hair and makeup. I poured over their dick-sucking strategies: how much spit to use, how often to make eye contact, and the “correct” way to fondle balls. I practiced deep throating on various vegetables. I analyzed the website’s algorithms and detected without much effort that the most popular videos featured submissive women who had one goal: to please men by any means necessary.

Henceforth, I became an expert pleaser of men. A good girl. A professional batter of eyelashes and bearer of coy smiles. However, I had a dirty little secret: I didn’t actually enjoy sex. I enjoyed the validation and praise the same way that I enjoyed my flawless report cards, but my orgasms were all faked. I thought that’s what sex was: a performance. And in the eyes of my suitors, I was a star. At the time, that’s all that mattered to me. My dream was to become an actress, after all.

As I grew older, I got bored. Sex became exhausting and uninteresting. I thought I must be broken. My relationships never lasted more than three of four months because the praise I received from them lost its shiny newness within that time. Then it was onto the next.

The first time I discovered the thrill of being a dominant woman, I was 20. I pinned my girlfriend to the bed and didn’t let up no matter how much she thrashed around. I used a strap-on for the first time and felt like I was on top of the world as I watched her eyes blissfully roll back into her head. In the following months (and years), my sadistic nature, which had until then been suppressed, became a valued attribute. We experimented with different impact toys, I watched countless bondage tutorials on YouTube, and role-play became the new subject of my acting abilities. The transition from bottom to top felt like coming home. It felt honest. It felt right. I didn’t have to fake orgasms anymore. Hallelujah. This is also around the time that I realised I wasn’t into men (comp-het is an entirely different issue that I won’t get into here).

When I joined ATW at age 24, my power skyrocketed. I dipped my pretty little toes into a sea of kinks that I had never even considered… then I dove in. I studied the ways of dominatrixes the same way that I had studied my Pornhub curriculum 10 years prior. I scrolled the dash for hours, researching the profiles of experienced sellers and dissecting the ways in which they addressed their betas. I admit it involved some trial and error - I dealt with quite a few time wasters in my early days - but that never took away from the thrill of finally behaving in the way that I was always designed to behave.

Nowadays, I excel at bossing people around. I always prioritize my submissives’ safety and boundaries, of course. But once those are established, it’s a wild ride of which I am the captain. Better buckle up, buttercup. Despite not feeling sexual attraction to men, I revel in the pleasure of being the queen. I delight in being worshipped. I expect my commands to be my betas’ wishes. I adore watching them humiliate themselves for me. Power is my drink of choice.

I am, of course, open to more vanilla buyers who are just here to enjoy the scent and/or taste of my sweet pussy or my sweaty soles. But the true betas whose desires are to please me? Those are my favourite.

My intention is not to throw shade at submissive women. After all, my girlfriend is submissive, and I love her wholeheartedly. My intention is only to draw attention to the power of choice: it is my sincere hope that all submissive women choose to hand over control because it fulfills them and turns them on, not because that’s what’s expected of them.

I am forever grateful to my experience as a submissive because I believe it has allowed me to become a better dom. I understand what it’s like to be on the other side of the equation, and how vulnerable it can be to hand over control. I am also grateful to this beautiful community for deepening my understanding and appreciation of kink. I adore how supportive sellers are of one another, and there are so many fantastic buyers who truly appreciate the divine magic of women. I wish you all the best in destroying your very own Pornhub textbooks. I hope you all have a blast making your fantasies come to life, however unconventional they may be.

*kiss, wink, mic drop*