Kinks - Why Do We Have Them? And Why Are They Different?

By Fem_Mil_PT 2771 views 14th Sep 2022

Seller Sellers’ Perspective Kinks - Why Do We Have Them? And Why Are They Different?

Thank you for coming to my blog. Firstly, I'd like to say that kinks are not a subject I am professionally qualified in, however, studying human behaviours and psychology has.

Since joining ATW I have tried (and still trying) to vary all my content to please every kink, but something I've always wondered is - why we have them and what makes us like different things?

Facts

It's a fact that the majority of people (around 75%) have at least 1 kink. Unlike us, a lot of cultures or places with bad sex education look down upon the subject, meaning people probably would never experience or ever open up about their kink at all because of their social environment or other factors!

Fear is almost drilled into young people. The fear of getting pregnant or contracting different infections. What about how great it feels?

Stigma

When people think of the word 'Kink' most think of leather, whips, and 50 shades of grey. The actual psychology behind kinks has never been fully understood and accepted.

A lot of the time it is almost related to past trauma and labelled 'not normal' (which is fake news).

Let's normalise kinks, spread education and teach it is a normal aspect of someone's sexuality!

From Childhood to Adulthood

As we grow up and begin to become more sexually active, we understand our sexuality more. Physical touch and objects we experience sexually within these arousals become connected. And boom, a fetish is born.

But did you have these hidden in you as a child? Did you play cops and robbers?

Now ask yourself, did you get the thrill from being chased and captured or were you the cop who loved to arrest the robber and feel powerful?

Crazy huh?!

It's known by many psychologists that children as young as 10 can develop kinks. However, adults can also develop them later in life with experience.

Consent

As the kink world continues to grow, people are learning more about it. Consent and Non-Consensual (CNC) is becoming a bigger, talked about subject, and rightly so.

This is allowing people to explore their boundaries and give up power to another person, an idea that seems scary for some.

Going back to cops and robbers… If you fantasise about being arrested or kidnapped, certain sexual partners are willing to 'role play' Non Consensual role play. In order to fulfil both fantasies, CNC allows both parties to negotiate, for example, a 'safe word'. The scene that they both create then seems real and they can push certain boundaries until the safe word is spoken, or not ?.

Have you done this before?

The Stages of Kink

A psychologist in America (Samuel Hughes), has an interesting article where he explored the development of kinks in people and come up with 5 stages. Can you relate to them?

'Early Encounters' to put it simply, it's the cops and robber's game. Non-sexual. Or maybe a superhero you were a big fan of in childhood.
He calls it 'Exploration with Self'. It's in the title! Exploring as a teen, masturbating, using media to find what gets you going and maybe even using materials!
'Evaluation' - Now at this stage, he talks about how the now teenage you will evaluate your kinks and what this means for your identity. Feelings of worry about what your thoughts are and realising that not everyone has those same thoughts. At this stage, you will try and label yourself.
'Finding Others' Although not everyone has the same thoughts as you, social media and cultures are so diverse you will find people like you. This could be in magazines, the Internet, fighting that negative feeling or stigma ending in physical attendance of an event or club.
'Exploring with others' The fun bit! Enjoying these kinky fantasies with other kinks just like you. Fun fact- Typically, people actually only feel 'kinky' when engaging with others!

Curious? Explore!

Whether you're dominant, submissive, switch or just curious, exploring sex is part of growing as a person and identifying who you are.

It allows inclusion for every gender; the use of safe words allows he/she/they to feel protected and respected enough to open up and explore their true desires.