Findom - An Insight

Seller Buyer Findom

---

Written by Kinks_and_curves and an ATW sub who wishes to remain anonymous.

What is it that you get most from findom? Why do you enjoy it?

Kinks&Curves: You’d think the obvious answer coming from me would be money? And while I love that, it is actually power. I love power exchange; I love that feeling of being in control and having a say. Money is the ultimate power exchange in my opinion, and it gives me the perfect way to express that power.

I can tell you where, when, if and how you spend your money. The sacrifice of money being handed from you to me is a huge turn on. I enjoy it because of the creative flow I achieve when thinking of new and exciting ways to drain someone, I love the feeling of being inside someone’s head and taking away bits of their control and having the ultimate say.

I could go on and on about how good it feels, how when I am spending their money on stuff I want, it humiliates them, it gives them a buzz which turns me on even more. I also really love knowing that someone can feel safe enough to indulge in this kink with me that they trust me and enjoy it just as much as I do.

sub: Like (I believe) the majority of submissives, what I really like is femdom – but with findom as a small part of it. As a submissive, I like power exchange. I like the sensation of being lower than/in service to a female superior and giving up power. Not all subs are the same. But personally, what I’d really like is to wash your car, carry your shopping, run your errands, lick your boots and clean your kitchen floor. But obviously, I can’t do that remotely! Therefore, findom is a stand-in somewhat. Money, in our society today, IS power. So, sending money to a dominant provides a quick and easy way that I can give up power, or feel the reward of serving a superior female. It turns me on sexually but also gives me a feeling of fulfilment in a way? Like I’ve done some kind of duty?

Do you like to approach or be approached for interactions related to findom? What way is most likely to lead to a good interaction for you?

Kinks&Curves: I like both. I prefer to be approached because I think it shows more willingness and seriousness. I will comment on findom seeking posts and will occasionally reach out but generally I prefer to be approached first. Another reason for that is I’m fully aware of how flooded a buyer’s inbox can be when they mention findom.

A good interaction for me is when I can tell they are taking it seriously and I can tell they know their stuff. Equally I enjoy helping people explore, but either way if they reach out first it’s probably because something has caught their eye. A listing, my bio or me.

sub: There's a “thing” in findom where people say Dominants should never make the first approach – but I disagree with that. I’m submissive. I like someone else to take the lead. And some of the best interactions I’ve had have been from being approached first. What matters is giving me more than a “hi”, not immediately giving a sales pitch, nor immediately launching into hard humiliation when I don’t know you. My kinks are in my bio and a creative, suggestive and leading message at the right moment can be triggering. That said, I sometimes approach too ;) usually with an offer to buy something (a gift or an item) – and if my submissive energy is matched, then it’s a great fit.

What’s the thing a sub/Domme can do to really make you have an amazing time?

Kinks&Curves: I love being able to get creative and get stuck in, being allowed some artistic freedom and getting to create unique experiences. I also love it when a sub matches my level of enthusiasm and gets stuck in and excited. It is such a huge turn on knowing how bad they want this as well, how they yearn to please me and seeing how far they will go to do so!

sub: I think primarily, understanding the fetish and getting excited at the same things I do. Really good comms and a great mind for fantasy help a lot, especially during text interactions to make things spicy and to keep things clear and easy to understand (our brains get a bit mushy and confused at a certain point). I like dominant women, so being confident (not arrogant) and leading things, is a bit like catnip to me. Beyond this, an understanding of health and safety is important too and when to push/when not too!

And conversely, what’s the worst thing or the thing that puts you off most?

Kinks&Curves: Something that is a turn off for me is a bad attitude or those that ask what is in it for them. With this particular kink you need to be aware that handing over the control, the power , the money is what you get , making me happy is what you get and if you want more then I am unsure of what it is you do want and why you would approach me with a only caring about what you get out of it attitude!

sub: when they are clearly not enjoying it or not interested at all. Or when it’s just cyber begging. Blurgh! “I just really need to pay my electricity bill this month; can you give me $40” is really not appealing. I’ve had so many interactions where I’m trying to gently explain or encourage kinks, but it doesn’t land at all. Worst of all for me though is when a Domme “disassociates” and is clearly just playing a character? So, if I get “Goddess wants you to…” rather than “I want you to”, I’m feeling like I’m not talking to a Domme but merely someone playing a pantomime villain. Some subs may like this but it’s not for me thanks.

Do you think findom has a bad reputation as a kink/fetish? And if so, is it justified and why do you think this is?

Kinks&Curves: Absolutely! Why? A lot of it comes from misinformation and misleading click bait articles which leads to an influx of extra sellers and sellers thinking it’s easy. I also believe because it’s not as conventional as other kinks it’s seen as almost wrong, or it is questioned? And another reason I personally think it has a bad reputation is people think it’s a way to exploit vulnerability, that someone can be financially abused as a result of engaging in it.

Now do I think it’s justified? No. That’s not simply because I enjoy it and engage in it but because like anything it takes education and understanding just like any kink. As a seller I am always learning and understanding, I didn’t start off by knowing what I know now. I mean, this blog is a perfect example, I didn’t jump into findom without exploration and that’s another reason that also ties in with what I said above somewhat. Don’t jump in and just make “give me” posts, by doing this you add fuel to the fire of misunderstanding. Take your time and learn.

sub: I think this is very true and I think there are two reasons for it. Firstly, so many people participating in it aren’t into it at all. Sellers often don’t understand it or enjoy it. They just use it as a way to try and make money quickly, or as a way of selling other services but through a “mechanism” that can make the pricing fluid and more expensive? They also have the ability to hide behind the “nothing in return” idea if they get into trouble. Buyers, meanwhile, most of them, want femdom and other services and not really findom. But they go along with it, because it’s the payment “mechanism” that’s offered.

So we end up with a space where everyone is practicing a kink they don’t really want.

The second is knowledge of safety principles and care. There's a massive lack of it. People fetishise debt and addiction and in a crowded marketplace it becomes a race to the bottom for who can do the most radical and aggressive thing. There are real people involved though, with real lives and real consequences. Findom needs to tidy its image up through all of us taking the time to understand safety principles and to take care of each other. That goes for both sides of the experience.

What misconceptions do you think there are around findom?

Kinks&curves: I think sub has covered most of them really below! One I’d add is thinking it’s easy money. False!

Findom is not easy in the slightest and it takes education on the kink and knowledge and patience. While some do find subs that will pay when they click their fingers that is a rarity, and they would have had to put the work in to find them / maintain that relationship.

Sub:

A) it's always unhealthy, bad, harmful. Misconception. It doesn't HAVE to be. You can find ways of doing it more cleanly and safely.

B) It's just taking money. Misconception. Dominating someone’s finances can also be telling them when NOT to send, or WHERE to spend. Forcing them to spend on themselves or limiting how much they spend on you is a perfectly legitimate form of financial domination.

C) you need to be very wealthy and rich or take out debt/loans. Misconception. Yes, money does have to change hands but it's not necessarily about vast amounts and I'd recommend against taking out loans/credit card debt to fund your kinks. At its purest, it's just about one person directing another where to put their money. It doesn't have to be thousands.

D) all submissives doing findom are weirdos or losers. Misconception. Some of us are ;) but plenty are very successful, healthy and happy individuals with great families and well put together lives. Some of us carry great responsibility at work or other places. Judge each person individually.

What are your top 5 tips for subs/Dommes doing or wanting to do findom?

Kinks&curves:

1) Research, take your time to do some research around the kink. Understand the varying categories that fall under the findom umbrella, it’s not just drain games and “pay me piggy!” There are many types of findom.

2) Boundaries, limits and boundaries need to be discussed, including names and any potential budgets (Sub has touched upon budget below). Not all subs like to be called names or degraded so it’s essential you ask about this before play.

3) Be realistic, firstly from the perspective of the Domme/ seller this isn’t quick, easy money. You aren’t going to get the same thing from each sub. One may do a £500 drain and the other may send a £10 tribute. It’s all findom but when you’re creating expectations in your mind, don’t expect that all those you come across will meet those expectations. From a subs perspective be realistic in what you can actually afford, it may be findom but you still need to be sensible and honest, as sub has touched upon below don’t take out loans and such, don’t put yourself into debt to fund a kink , as hot as it may seem you’re the one who has to live with the consequences long term , it’s all about safe play, keeping things fun but responsible.

4) Responsibilities, remember you do have responsibilities as a Domme / seller and sub! As a seller I wouldn’t take what I know a sub needs. So, for example their rent money, as much as the fantasy sounds hot it’s not responsible. Though a sub can choose what they do with their money by taking what you know they shouldn’t/ can’t afford to be sending is troublesome and can lead to vulnerable situations. As a sub you have a responsibility to be honest, you can say no! You should communicate with the person you’re playing with. I have said above my responsibility is essentially to not take money you need to live so if I ask / double check you’re in a position to do something it’s on you to be honest.

5) Think outside the box, spend time thinking of new, exciting ideas! Be original, I like to combine kinks in findom play. Foot drains or chastity tasks perhaps. It’s always good to do something refreshing.

Sub: For submissives, I’d say: -

1) Know what you want. Is it actually findom you want or is it femdom? Be clear that these things are different, because you’ll find them mixed up so much online. Findom, at its purest, is just sending money. Keep this in mind. There's no harm in wanting fixed priced femdom – just be clear with yourself about what you want and with sellers/providers, if you aren’t, you’ll be taken advantage of quickly.

2) Budget. Findom can be harmful and dangerous, it’s partly up to you to be sensible and keep yourself safe. Keep a record of your finances, make sure you pay all the bills you need to first and take care of things at home. Try to avoid fetishising debt and destruction. If you do, keep it as roleplay. Never actually take loans/credit cards to pay for your fetish. You are no use to a Dominant if you are unable to take care of your basic needs. Work out how much you can spend each month on your fetish and stick to it. A good Dominant will help you with this.

3) Talk. Engage with other people, talk to other submissives and share your experiences. Ask questions. Especially do this if you are struggling. Findom is often a hidden and misunderstood kink. The more we can bring it out of the darkness and get it in the open the better perhaps.

4) Take regular breaks. It’s very easy to get caught up in your kinks and live in a fantasy world in your head. Don’t let it define you. It can be addictive, and it can be dangerous. Take time away from it all when you need it and do different things. Again, good Dominants will understand this.

5) Don’t be a dick. There are real people out there with real feelings. You aren’t buying paperclips. Use basic manners. Please and thankyou cost nothing. Be tactful and respectful, even if others aren’t. Take the high road.

Looking to experience your own Findom fantasy?

Whether you're new to the world of Financial Domination or an experienced findom enthusiast, communities like FindomsOnly.com are an exciting way to explore, learn, and find your perfect paypig or Mistress.

There you can research the different types of Findom and discover exciting findom games, wallet drains and more. Successful Findom matches require both parties to be clear on what they want and have a deep understanding of exactly what Financial Domination is.

Looking for your perfect match? You can browse an eclectic collection of findom mistresses here or browse hudreds of needy paypigs here. You’ll quickly be able to learn about their unique styles, and start building a connection that suits your desires.

---

---

Interested in contributing to our awesome community blog? Why not get in touch with our friendly team?

---

More From Our Blog

---

Join FREE today! See our video